Jason's Mother, being the supreme pain in my ass that she is, has decided nope, she's not going to move anymore. So we do not get the house. Arg. Stab me in the mother fucking eye. Here is where I went a bit spaztic and ranted for a good few paragraphs. I have deleted that for fear that the men in the little white coats would have shown up at the door. To highlight a bit, I will say that I am pretty sure that I am having some sort of mental breakdown. We must find somewhere else to live. I do not want to be a built in baby sitter any longer. I do not want to end up hating members of my family. And living in this space with them is going to make it end up like that. I don't care if finances will be tight, I must have a place of my own. I am really feeling like I completely hate my life right now. And that just isn't a good place to be at. Things must change. I have completely lost my place of peace. I am angry all the time. It isn't a good thing. Not at all.
So we are back on the house hunt, and there is crap to choose from around here. But, something will be found, because it has to be.

Hopefully Jason and I will be signing a lease on a house in October. It is the one his Mom is currently living in, but when her lease is up in October she is moving in with her boyfriend. The house is up on the lake (ooo ritzy part of town LOL) It isn't palatial, but it is cute, it has 3 bedrooms, a bath, laundry room, kitchen, dining room, living room, full basement, canapy to park cars under, a nice little yard and its own dock and access to the lake. It's not going to be that much a month either. And it will get us out of here and into our own space. I know that Jason wants to leave like... tomorrow and stay up there and pay his Mom her lease since she's not staying there anyway, but I am going to talk some sense into him. I need time to sort through everything here and pack. I hate doing moving in trickles. Get it packed and get it done. So, A little more than a month should give me time to do this. (Remember, it's hard to pack unless it's nap time.) SO yah, that's whats going on. I'm sure I will get econamy lectures from my parents and blah blah blah and you don't have to do this and you don't make anything staying at home with Strider blah blah blah. But the truth is we need our own place, I am tired of being here. It is insane here all the time. Yuppers. I hope that everyone can come stay :)
Loves.

MMmMmMMm This morning's breakfast for me and the little man. I was so proud I had to take a picture. They were soooo good.

Hmmm.... What's been going on.

My back is completely out of whack. It's all across my lower back. The muscles seize up and ache at every turn. Sitting and or laying down sucks. Standing isn't much better. I got some pain meds at the ER, but they only dull it. Whew. I'm not even sure what the hell I did. I must've just turned wrong while holding Strider. (Who is weighing in at 30 pounds. Yup, he's 18 months old, and is only 4 pounds lighter then his 3 year old cousins. WOW mutant child lol. He is currently wearing 2T clothes.)

Um, I've been trying to get stock together for my Etsy shop. So far I have four sets of chocolate truffle magnets up. I am going to try and get some of my Upcycled book page paintings matted and get them up there as well. I am also going to do some painted wood magnets.

I'm turning 28 the 30th of this month. Ew oldness.

We got a new grill, and it is fantazmic. Jason did chicken and veggie kabobs the other night, and I foundered myself. Grape tomatoes are so freaking fantastic when they are grilled. All sweet and juicy!! MMM! I could have just done with the veggie kabobs hehe. Then we had ribs on the grill with the Jack Daniels bbq sauce... and wowzers were they awesome.
Mom and I went up to the herb lady. We have a half a barrel for herbs now. We got four lavender plants (They are going by the front steps and not in the barrel) We got lemon thyme (OMG it smells fantastic! I can't wait to use it in ice tea) Rosemary, creeping rosemary, chamomile, italaian parsley, coriander, sweet wormwood, peppermint, greek oregano and garden sage.
For flowers, we have started cosmos, calendula, morning glorys, birdhouse gourds ( i know not really a flower but really cool) marigolds, johnny jumpups, poppys, nasturtiums, butterfly flowers, moonflowers, sunflowers and echinacea. We have quite a few more to start, but I ran out of peat pellets. And we are running out of time!! Have to get that done this week. Have to get the veggies started. We are horridly late on those. May have to buy plants that are already started, but oh well. If we have to do that we will have the seeds for next season. We also have four cans of wildflower mix that are going to smother the hill in the side yard. Oh it will be beautiful. The men are raking the hill this weekend. They just dont know it yet.

I have lost 13 pounds. WOOHOO!!! That's just switching to diet soda, and drinking more tea and watching what I eat. I haven't really started on any sort of excersize program, besides chasing the little imp lol.

Strider got his first haircut. It was so crazy long and getting in his face and it was so hot and sweaty (We have hit the 90 mark, the heat came fast and strong) So now it's short on the sides and all spikey on top. (Think David Tennant, save a little shorter for easier care on him) It's so adorable, but it made him look SOOO much older. No more Mommies baby. It's Mommies little man. *Sniffles*

Other than that not much going on. Perhaps I'll write more later... I'm going to go get something to drink it is freaking HOT!!

Sister and her baby and husband are coming up for Easter. (Or as I call it Eggday). Dying eggs Saturday night with everyone. Watching some sign language videos with the little imp. Got some more painting done today... Kwan Yin is coming along nicely. Found some awesome tribal looking fabric with the hands with swirls in the center of them, think I might make a skirt out of it. Definitely making a skirt out of the cool orange and blue tye dye that I found. Trying my hand at embroidering... Oh how I would love to have an embroidery machine. Want to get a hand held GPS so that the family and I can go geocaching. WOOT! The whole world is a treasure hunt, did you know that?? http://www.geocaching.com/ So cool. And there is actually a lot of people doing around here, so it doesn't have to be a huge long drive to find some!! :) Hoping for one of those or a camera for the up coming birthday.... Or maybe both LOL ( I know I'm a stinker )

So, we have decided that for the sake of our sanity, and my parent's relationship and sanity as well... it is time for us to get a place of our own. I'm sure my Mother will argue about the economy and me staying at home with Strider... and blah blah blah. The fact is, that if we stick to a budget, we can make it. We may not be eating out every week and living the high life, but we will have our own space.
It will take us awhile, since we have to rebuild what we need to run a household.. i.e. kitchenware and towels and small appliances and spices and cleaning supplies and stuff. Anyone who has started out fresh knows that these things that you take for granted that belong in a house add up to quite a substantial amount of money. We also want a new couch/recliner set. The one we have is way to big for most places (Huge sectional) so we figure Mom can keep it till she finds what she wants.
So we have begun the dreaded house search. 3 bedrooms are hard to come by. And no one wants to rent with someone with pets. Jeez, Draco has been with me for 8 years... he's not a mess maker.
Part of me is very nervous, but hey that's just me. Taurus's don't deal well with change, what can I say. I just don't want us to fall flat on our faces.

Hmm. I almost just stopped doing this. That should tell you of my frame of mind. Got to stop doing that.
In news of Strider, he's hit his terrible twos a tad bit on the early side. Temper temper temper little imp. I think a lot of this stems from the fact that he is behind on his speech, and therefore has trouble communicating what he wants and feels. He is just so physical that I think he has forgotten about the speech part. He is now finally at the "babble" stage. And there are a few things coming through that are coherent. During his 18 month check up next month that is one of the issues that I am bringing to the table. I want to have his hearing checked to make sure that that is not helping with this slow start on speech. I know that some kids that are prone to ear infections need to have tubes put into their ears, and that sometimes helps with speech. He's also taken to throwing full blown tantrums, which now include smashing his head off the floor/bench/me whatever is handy. Yes I know, all the alarm bells for autism went off in my head and I started freaking out. Take a deep breath with me. I researched online, and that is very normal for kids that do not have any sort of the autistic tendency. From what I have read I am supposed to ignore it, he'll stop when he's bored or it hurts. Now, I do not want him with a bruise on his head, so I have simply been putting my hand between his head and the bench (wooden, his favorite spot) and then saying something to the effect of "We don't want to hurt ourselves, it's much better to act nice. Then we can come play/watch tv/have a snack with Mommy." I've really been trying. It's not good to yell so much. I don't want to be that kind of a Mom, and I don't want him to grow up with me going ape shit. Other Strider issues... his skin. His eczema is completely out of control. Yet another thing for me to address at his checkup. I do not want to pump him full of steroids for two weeks out of every month. It can not possibly be good for him. The olive oil didn't help, but one of my friends off of the Pagan swap that I'm in said that her son has had it awful and she found this balm made from bees... I'm going to order some on Friday. From the pictures I saw her son's skin was worst, and it is almost completely gone. Now, please don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful little boy and I love him to death. He's very smart, and has started using his sign language. (I figured that was a way to help cut down on the frustration caused by me not knowing what he wanted) There's just a few of these set backs, which yes I know are completely normal, and yes I will continue to fret over until I make them right.
As for me, well I'm trying to change a bit. I need to be more healthy. I know, it's been said before. I've made one of those mission101 lists, and I will be posting that hopefully during nap time. I need to stop drinking so much pop damn it. (Though be proud, as of now today I've had oj and am working on a pot of peppermint tea.)I need to exercise some portion control and eat a bit better. I need some exercise. That will be easier once it's not subzero temperatures and I can get outside and work on the gardens. I was supposed to start belly dancing on Tuesdays, but something always seems to come up. I need to get back to the Wii fit. I just have to make sure that I make time at least 4 days a week to do it. (Remember people, the only time I have to myself is during nap time. I don't get much else in time to myself. So everything I want to do is balanced in this 2-3 hour place a day. That's including getting some house work done so that other members of this household don't have a fucking fit.) I've been down in the dumps lately, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I figured I'd just have a good wallow, and then get over it. It hasn't quite left yet. I think I might have to go talk to someone about it. I know that it's not good to let it go on like this, and I also fly off the handle at stupid things. All the symptoms are there, might as well recognize them, and get some damn help instead of being miserable. I also have to talk to the doctor about the fact that my fucking hips and lower back hurt so much that some days it's all I can do not to cry while trying to keep up with the little imp. The night before last I barely slept for the tossing and turning I was doing. But anyway, I digress.
I've cut down on my smoking, so that's a plus in the right direction.
I've stopped other activities, and that's a big huge major plus in the right direction.
I've got to get some stock together and get my etsy store up. This will get other individuals off my back because I will be making some sort of monetary contribution. *sigh* I need more time in the day. I do I do.
I'm lonely. I know I am. There's not much to be done about it. I'm surrounded by people that I could use a break from, and there's way to much distance between me and the people that I would love to see. Like I said, not much to be done about it. And please, please don't tell me to go and make some new friends. There aren't any here. I've looked. I'm done looking. I hate people in general, and I am lucky to have the amount of friends that I have, whether or not they are far away. I can't stand humanity and it's stupidity for the most part. I know that if I was somewhere else, I could probably find some people that weren't complete douche-bags. It's not going to happen here. If you don't believe me, come stay in Towanda for a month or so. This place is ridiculous.
I am going to leave it at that, I'm sure I've written enough of a novelette for those of you that want an update, and for those of you who really didn't.... SHUT UP. I read your entries, so be nice. I realize my world isn't very exciting, but it's all I got.

( Lookey lookey!! )</ <a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/btflrain/pic/0002esck/">

The first five (5) people to respond to this post will get something made by me.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done this year (2009).
- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a mix CD. It may be a poem. I may draw or paint something. I might bake you something and mail it to you. I may knit or crochet or spin something. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure! [not me either]
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch is that you have to put this in your journal as well, if you expect me to do something for you. Share the love.

Take a picture of yourself right now.
Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
Post that picture with NO editing.
Post these instructions with your picture.




Woot. No sleep. No shower yet. Wrapped in the hair matching blankey. It's freakin cold here.

I haven't had time to myself in I can't remember when. So Jason volunteered yesterday to let me have the day to myself. I haven't asked for a day in such a long time that I took him up on his offer. Strider is sick with a cold, he was up all night, Jason stayed up till one of his own volition. I didn't ask him to get up with Strider any of the dozen plus times he was fussing. So, this morning I took a nap, and then I set to the task of dying my hair. The bleach didn't take in the ends so that pisses me off but I digress. He has been in a fucking foul humor all day. So I didn't even put the red on top of the bleached parts of my hair. I came downstairs and told him to go work on his truck or take a nap or do something to make himself happy. I told him that it wasn't fair to act like this, not when I was trying to help him with Strider even with my hair loaded full of bleach. I told him that I hadn't had any time to myself in forever. Then he tells me that neither has he!!! I'm sorry but the last time I checked, every time he stays up for night shift he has the whole fucking house to himself and can do as he pleases. I let him work on his truck all fucking day, go to junkyards and drive five hours to try and find a transmission. Now some of you might say that this sounds like work, but he has more than once told me he enjoys that sort of thing. He's the one that bought the truck because he wanted it not because we needed it. He knew it was going to need work. I count all that as time to himself. When Garrett comes over, I let him do what he wants with him, and the only help that I ask of him when it comes to Strider is to watch him every once in awhile long enough for me to have a smoke. Don't get me wrong, I love staying at home with Strider, I love knowing that he's cared for and wouldn't want to send him to daycare or anything like that. I do not however think its a big fucking deal to have a little fucking time to do something that I want to do every once in awhile without it turning into Jason being a miserable bastard all while doing it. He jibes about me not doing art work... when am I supposed to be doing that? Strider is a very hands on kid, he's already pretty much mastered walking and is in to everything. He has himself down to two hour and a half naps a day, and during that time its nice to be able to eat and get some dishes and laundry and tidying up after him done. Not much time left for anything else. I'm not asking for everyday that Jason has off for him to do this for me, but jesus fucking christ. Now and then it would be nice to have a day to do what I want to do and have him do what needs to be done with a fucking smile on his face. I support him in what he wants to do. Why can't I get the same in return?
Maybe I ask too much. I don't fucking know. But, I do know that I am fucking annoyed beyond belief, and that I have hair that now looks ridiculous because it's not done, and hes either up stairs taking a nap or being pissed at the world. I don't know which and I don't want to know. I'm going to go take care of Strider till second nap then try and get the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded and some laundry done so that I don't have to listen to my Mother bitch that she's the only one that fucking does anything around here.
I need a fucking vacation.

This is the unofficial Invite. So tell your asshole bosses, start counting change for gas, find carpools if you must. Strider's FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY is October 26th at our house. If you need to spend the night, you are more than welcome. Just bring a blanket and a pillow. Get your asses here peoples lol :)

LOL what an excellent writers block. I don't have my kit made, but by god I have weapons galore about the house. I know EXACTLY where the axe is, and the chainsaw is always a good tool! Plus, i have *E, Duckie, and Dhanni, and Jason, all on my side. And they are all Zombie experts. I have a good team. We may be a bit spread out, but come Zombie outbreak, we are going to save the planet. (atleast the part that we deem savable LOL) MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

For this shirt, I free hand sketched out a hollow mask inspired by Ichigo's hollow mask from Bleach onto a stencil. I then used a 50/50 bleach water mix to spray on this. I went back in with the clorox bleach pen to bring out some details. I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out, but I guess we can chalk it up to a learning experience. This is the second of this shirt that I did, I won't even post the first attempt, it's horrid. lol.

So I got up with the baby, we were playing. Mom and Dad were up and getting ready to get in the durango to take dad to the diesel truck to go to work. Then, all of a sudden there was a huge crash from outside. So, I run out to see wtf is happening (it sounded like a damn tree fell on the porch). I get to the window, and see that some big old blue car has smashed into the back of the durango!! The girl hit the durango so hard she moved it a whole car length and up over the curb into our neighbors yard! Her car was completely totaled, her hood was half the length it ought to have been, and fluids were gushing all over the road. They claim to have tried to miss a cat. Yeah right. Oldest story in the book. She never applied breaks, and was going WELL over the 25mph limit. They took her to the hospital, she seemed to be in shock, and she didn't have her seatbelt on so she got slammed pretty well. So, our entire street was blocked off with fire trucks, fire rescue, police, and ambulance. The durango was alot less damaged then her car, all the damage was to the rear drivers side. Dented as all hell back there, and a lot of blue paint from the girls car. Tail light gone, lots of dents. Hatch door dented in. We think the toe hitch absorbed a lot of the hit. Mom and Dad are off getting an estimate. basically it sounds like the back of the vehicle all needs replacing. We are assuming that she blacked out, we know of her and her family and they are into some heavy stuff from what we have heard. Thank everything holy that my parents were running behind, so they weren't in the vehicle and that they hadn't left yet, because I'm pretty sure with how fast they were going they would've clipped our porch and gone into our neighbors house had the durango not been there to stop them.
And on a side note, just have a massive accident in front of your house and see the people crawl out of the woodwork!!! LoL there were people EVERYWHERE.
So I guess Mom gets a replacement vehicle while hers is in the shop as per her insurance so that is good, since its the only wheels she has. Thanks again that Jason was at work, because if not, it would have been our lumina that got it, and I don't think the lumina would have stood up as well as the durango lol.

Here's the text:
* This was handed out to parents by a church *

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that
young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

Strider has his sixth month appointment today. A little late, since hes near seven months now, but oh well I guess. Shots....... EWWWWW. Poor guy. Makes me cry everytime.
I went for my depo shot the other day. That was interesting. Peed in the cup first thing, they want to make sure you aren't preggos before they give you the shot. So, she comes back, tells me to drop trow, and stabs me in the butt. I go to leave and the nurse comes running out. "Dr. Mayloc wants you to get bloodwork." OK. I freak, but then I think maybe I've forgotten some weird post pregnancy checkup. So I go out and get Jason out of the waiting room (I need him to hold my hand, I HATE needles). We come back in and the nurse has a weird look on her face so I ask, "WHY am I getting poked?" And she looks at the floor then back up to me and says "Welllllll.... I went to throw away your test, and there was a feint pink line. It's supposed to be if its negative at the three minutes, its negative, but we want to make sure."




SO I FREAK. I am so not ready for another baby!!!! Thats why I'm ON the DAMN SHOT!!! So I get poked, and have anxiety attacks solid untill the next day when she calls me to tell me.........

I'm not pregnant.

*FUCKING SPECIAL SPAZ DANCE*
Yah.

Nearly died of heart failure.

Hopefully I can catch a nap sometime today.... because.................

ITS TIME FOR INDY!!!! WOOOHOOOOO
DR. JONES!!!
INDIANA JONES!!!!!!!!!!!
WAHHHAAAA!!!

I'm pumped.
I wanna go tonight cause Jason works this weekend.


Anyway, gotta get ready for the Docs.
Loves yas,
Me.

P.S.
For some reason I can't get my new slideshow to work on here. So, for pics of my awesomely cute little dude, go to my profile and then go to pictures.

I had my first Mother's Day. I got a pot of lucky bamboo, and this : http://stores.theirishjewelrycompany.com/catalog/celtic%20mothers%20knot%20300.jpg
My new necklace!!
I absolutely love it. Hope all you Mommies out there enjoyed your day!